Anywhere you are, I am near...

Chris Medina's song is so beautiful.  It reminds me of my father's love for his family.  He tried to hang on, to always be there.  Sadly his body couldn't hold on to continue to care for my mother, but he tried. He tried for a very long time. No worries, she's followed him and once again they are together.  

 He was a man who always tried to keep his promises.  He was a man of faith and of faithfulness.  A man who found contentment in the simple pleasures of life.  He didn't need nor did he desire a grand castle, he was content with his small cottage and continually appreciative of those walls that sheltered him.  He was a people person, always anxious for conversation.  He loved to tell stories, but never to aggrandize himself.  He didn't need to be the center of attention.  He could truly be happy hearing of another's success.  He was not envious.    Water is  said to be the strongest element and also the  least resistant,like that so was my father.   Strong enough to not be jealous, not needing to be in the spotlight, strong enough to take the blows that life issues without complaining, strong enough to endure thru the rough times, to continue to love when at times it seems as though love has been withdrawn.  Steady.  He was a man of conviction.  He is missed more as the years of separation increases.  Everyday he is missed.  His presence is still felt.  His legacy of love and devotion lives on.

 Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name
You'll see

How every single promise I'll keep
'Cause what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave
When you need me most?

What are words
If you really don't mean them when you say them?
What are words
If they're only for good times, then they're done?

When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, they never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent
Just for me and I know I'm meant
To be where I am
And I'm gonna be

Standing right beside her tonight
And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave
When she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them when you say them?
What are words
If they're only for good times, then they're done?

When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, they never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here
Forever more

Every single promise I keep
'Cause what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave
When you need me most?

I'm forever keeping my angel close

Read more: Chris Medina - What Are Words Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Overwhelmed by the dark

All of my life I have suffered with depression.  It is not a constant companion, I do have breaks.  But like a loyal friend who has been away too long, it finds me and makes up for lost time.

My earliest periods of gloom were at about 7 or 8 years of age.  My dad worked a lot and was out of town quite a bit.  My mother was ill a lot of the time.  I feared that she would die.  A child's fears re-enforced by surgeries and bed-rest.  She didn't die, not for many many years, but I always feared it.  I didn't want to be left alone.  Ours was a small family.

That was all many years ago and here I am still shooing away that Black Dog of Gloom.  I thought I had a handle on it.  That's how it seems to happen.  I feel like I'm managing okay and then I get these creeping feelings that I'm about to slip into a dark hole, and pretty soon, I'm there.

There are things that I know I should do to help myself, but most of the time I'm just too tired.  This week has been a very difficult one.  The Dr has put me on a new medicine for an unrelated issue and I believe that the new med is the cause of all these tears.

One thing about seeing the dark side of things, you are never disappointed.  It might take a little while but sooner or later things will be bad again.  Insecurities will popup, friendships will wane, children will be busy with their own lives and withdraw, the phone will cease to ring except for telemarketers and doctors appointments.